Not until I hit bottom was I willing to look at reality in the face.

The reality was that I alone had built the cage for me to go in.  The fact that I was a helpless child in the body of a grown woman.  

My fantasy being that I wanted someone to be responsible for my happiness and well being.  When that was not happening my insanity was doing the impossible to try to change him.  NEVER wanting to just turn around and look at myself.

I judged and I criticized.  HE was the one responsible for everything I did/didn't do.  HE was the selfish bastard.  HE was the immature alcoholic, irresponsible S.O.B.

I was a saint.  I had given everything to him and HE was supposed to give back.  How could HE do this to me?

Now I lay here like a rag doll.  Unwanted, old and without any purpose.