My biggest fear was that the rug would be pulled from underneath me.  I would fall into a bottomless pit.

I did anything and everything to hang on.  I gave up my dignity and all self worth in order to "keep it" from falling.

Guess what...  it did not work.

Everything did "fall apart" and I was left naked in the middle of a cold room.

For many days and nights, for many weeks I would cradle in a fetus position on a far corner hoping I would disappear.

The pain I had been avoiding for so many years was here and I did not know how to deal with it.  I felt I could not breath. If I could just stay asleep...  Waking up was overwhelming.  I did not want to go thru another day of pain and grief.

Someone had told me...  all you have to do is make myself take a shower, get dressed and make my bed.  The rest of the day was me trying to do some work.

That went on and on...  Day in and day out.  They say pain is inevitable, suffering is by choice.

It was not my choice to feel the way I did.  Each day becoming more difficult.  People told me "thank goodness you have no children".

What?  at least I would have something/someone to live for.  You say I am supposed to love myself?  How do I do that?  How could I do that after everything I have done.  Not even the person I least respected tolerated me.

If this is life...  fuck it.