I have the choice

I have been sober for 5 1/2 years.  I have been smoke free for almost 5.. I can honestly say that the phrase used "Just for Today" is very true.  Everyday I make the choice. Many say that they don't miss it one bit.  I do! I miss it every day. The smells and the flavors are still strong in my mind. The physical sensations which gave me pleasure still live on in my mind.  What I do not miss one bit and why I have stuck with it each and every day is where these addictions had taken me. Now.. my addiction to food is doing about the same. I take cholesterol medicine.. I'm prediabetic, I cannot stand if I sit on the floor. I can´t jump!  Can you believe that! I may jump 1cm and only once but that's about it. My bones ache, specially my knees and it's from carrying all this weight.  This one is the hardest addiction. This one I don't know what to do with. When I went to bed last night I promised that today would be different.  Today was a new day. I don&

I started out writing this blog telling the story of how I came to realize that I have the choice.  Each and every day with each and everything that I think, say and do in life. It is easy to talk about this when my choice was to stop smoking and to stop drinking.  Those are healthy choices. It is embarrassing to talk about when I choose to play denial and procrastination.  Facing up to the choices I make in reference to my health and weight are those of shame. Last night I weighed myself.  193.2lb..  Almost hitting the 200lb. This kept me up all night. How could I let this happen? How did it happen? Why can't I control what I eat? Why did I have that icecream? I need to stop and I don't think I can. I don't think I can. I am crying out for help but don't know where to go! I know what I need to do, I just don't do it. My "diets" only last a couple of hours. How I wish to go to a rehab center for Over Eaters. A place where I can get help.   I want